coming soon: Sexual Fantasy

The other day, your editors went out to lunch. The place was packed with ugly girls. Just our luck. Why couldn't at least one of the customers look like Candace Von? Born in New York City, and living in Los Angeles, Candace Von maintains loyalty to her home town by remaining a Knicks fan. She likes to go dancing and shopping on her free days and nights. "Los Angeles closes up early," complained Candace. "New York goes all night." Her sexual fantasy is, get this, "A beautiful girl with a nice, big butt to smother me." That's a first. A hot girl who'd like to be ass-smothered by another hot girl. "I'm starting to get recognized," Candace said. "The other day, a guy came over to me and said 'You're Candace Von!' He didn't ask. He knew it!"